Causes and Complexities of Grief and Loss

by Emily Otremba and Christy Witkowski

What does someone think of when they hear the word grief? Typically, when people hear the word grief, they often think of someone
who is grieving the death of a loved one. Even when you look up the word “grief” in the Oxford Dictionary, it states “deep sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death”. But grief is more than that. It is the physical and emotional response to a loss.

But what if the loss that is experienced isn’t due to death? Is that still considered grief?

Yes-- it most certainly is.  What are some other losses that may cause grief? 

Image description: Gray canvas with the words, “Causes of Grief and Loss” with many images the different causes of grief- health, family, death, romantic relationships, friendship, pandemic, pet, LGBTQIA+ community, community, memory, trauma, military personnel, personal achievements.

Losses may include, but not limited to:

Loss of a Relationship

• Friendship

• Significant other

• Family member

• Pet

Loss of Past Self (who a person used to be before an event occurred

• Trauma

• Injury

• Personal Achievements/Fulfillments

Loss of Community

• Individuals in the LGBTQIA+ community who don’t feel accepted by the general public, their family/friends, or their church

• Veterans being discharged from the military and are required to reenter into civilian life or vice versa, leaving home to join the military

• A person who is relocated from a different city, state or country (cultural loss)

  • Changes in the way we interact as a community:

    • Pandemic

    • Politics

    • Social Injustice

    • Etc.

Loss of Health or Happiness

• Loss of Functional Mobility 

• Loss of Independence

• Loss of Memory

• Loss of Occupational Role

  • Parents grieve their kids as they age/move out

  • Life before marriage/parenthood

  • Involuntary childlessness

• Loss of a Job or Profession

  • Lifestyle

  • Being part of a team

  • Retirement

  • Financial changes

Image Description: Blue background with 12 squares, 3 of which have the words, “Grief is like the ocean… -Vicki Harrison”, and 9 squares with various images of the ocean during all stages of weather.

So, what does grief look and/or feel like? Crying? Sadness? Anger? Fatigue? Irritability? Isolation? Smiling? Laughing? Honestly, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Grief can present itself in a variety of ways throughout one's day depending on the person and their environment. Someone could be laughing with a friend and suddenly smell cookies that may remind them of their grandma who recently passed away or smell the perfume of an ex-girlfriend which can cause them to become sad and/or cry within seconds. Another person may hear a song that takes them back to a happy memory allowing them to smile, while another person may hear that same song and be reminded of a time of sorrow or deep pain. 

Emotions that are tied to grief can be intense and can change quickly without warning, but they can also be fleeting, a little ping to the heart. Grief is extremely complex for it can cause a person to have conflicting emotions at the same time. A person can experience happiness and pride when they achieve a goal AND simultaneously feel sad or angry that a loved one is not there to witness this achievement. Causes of grief and the emotions that are associated with grief are NOT one size fits all. The unfortunate complexity of grief is that ALL of our emotions could and will most likely surface when grieving… and that is okay! We encourage you to embrace all the feelings that may arise when you experience a loss and are grieving. 

What do you think when you hear the word grief?