Unlearning and Time

There is something about occupations that invite us to notice just how time works.

Cooking

Take cooking for example— we can have recipes, know an estimated amount of time to cook, and yet— the conditions will still make the total time it takes vary. Ovens can run warmer or cooler, altitude can play a role, or even our preferences for how we like things cooked— extra cripsy or soft cookies, al dente pasta or a little more cooked? Sometimes following the recommended time results in things being underdone or sometimes it means our food is burnt, or overly sticky, in the case of pasta. It is only when we attend carefully to the environment and pay attention to all the factors at play that we can most accurately determine how long it actually takes to cook something.

Spaghetti cooking in a pot of boiling water

Gardening or Harvesting

Each year, there are plants and trees that share their beauty and harvest with us and the other animals and insects around us. Rhubarb arrives in the spring as one of the first to return after winter, the fruit trees blossom later on in the spring and share their harvests by fall, the tomatoes ripen strongly by mid to late summer, the maple trees offer gifts in several seasons— shade by summer, beauty in fall, and sweet goodness by late winter. And yet— none of these plants operate on a calendar; there is a window of time we may expect to see them and the conditions ultimately determine exactly when that will be and to what extent.

Adulthood/Adulting (Roles and more)

Have you ever had a timeline for when you thought you should achieve milestones in your life as an adult? Maybe when to get a job, if you should go to college and what might that look like, the type of work you should do? Or perhaps you have expectations for when you should marry, have children, get your own place, have grandchildren, etc.? Or when you think others should do so.

How many of us met those timelines exactly as we envisioned? How many met them without a pause to reflect or regroup or felt guilty about not meeting them at a certain time?

A personal glance back

For me, the older I get and look back— none of the traditional “milestones” of adulthood happened on my timeline. And no amount of planning, wishing, or forcing those things to happen at set times would have been beneficial. I married later in life, had children later in life, had a 7 year pause in figuring out how I wanted to shift my career, and just as I thought I was getting into what was a rhythm I saw most adults doing and my children would be in school full-time— the pandemic offered different plans and we’re marching to a different rhythm again. (You’d think I’d get the message by now)

Reflecting now

So much pressure and anxiety result when how we occupy our time is set to calendar or clock time when it really requires running on natural time. Just as we know what food looks like when it is ready to eat or harvest, we can also reconnect to our sense of time to notice when things are ready or still cooking or growing.

If I look at all the supposed “adulthood milestones” I mention above— the timing came more by an inner sense of knowing that the time was now than any calendar based goals I ever set. Marriage came after sensing a nudge to get on an online dating app at a time I didn’t expect to find a future spouse— I answered the nudge anyway because I recognized the call to action and the rest is history. Children came after I listened to what my body needed me to know first, and then they arrived. A career in occupational therapy came after a series of experiences and a good friend noticed that is who I was so I followed it and all the doors opened when they theoretically should have been closed (I even applied after the calendar deadline, had three pre-requisites to take, took the steps anyway and got accepted to graduate school where I met a cohort of classmates and faculty that would become lifelong friends and mentors). And now, I have found myself as an evolving homeschooling parent who has begun unschooling/life schooling while also becoming an entrepreneur. I didn’t plan on either one of them, and yet I recognized the invitation to both and accepted the invite.

All these experiences share one thing in common and that is I can trust the nudge and signs or conditions when it is the right time to take action, wait for things to grow, further evolve, or “cook a little longer”. If you’ve ever played the game Jenga, it is sort of how it feels internally to me. Sensing which block is ready to move through is needed to be sensed throughout the the game— force a block through and it is likely the game could be over.

Whether cooking or making decisions in living, the signs that things are overdone or at risk for burning are also becoming more obvious or felt. Clock or calendar time is simply a unit of measurement that can guide. It is not a substitute for felt time or judgement.

This concept of different ways of time is not new. In Greek language there are two separate words for time— Kronos (the clock and calendar, chronological variety) and Kairos ( the right time or opportune time). This difference in time is also sometimes referred to as Newtonian/ Kronos time vs. Einstein/Kairos time. These are just two of the various ways there have been distinctions between the ways time is experienced.

What is your relationship with time?

So I’m curious, dear readers— what is your relationship like with time? Has it changed? Do you trust yourself to know when to wait longer, pause, or switch from calendar/clock time to felt time or vice versa? When is calendar/clock time necessary? When is it technically necessary but at odds with what a moment calls for? What can we do then?

Time , refueling and a call to notice

As we explore refueling this month, we invite you to consider the role our sense of timing has on our ability to refuel. What settings might we need to unlearn to adapt to these times?