Unlearning: Moving from The Way to A Way

List of Gifts and Challenges of Unlearning on green background. Shows one side of the moon on each side

Addiction Counseling: Opportunities to Witness Many Ways of Unlearning

You may remember— my work as an adult began in addiction counseling. That was the first place I got to witness and partner with people on a daily basis of unlearning old ways of being. In this setting, it was sometimes easier to accept the need for unlearning and at least expected that unlearning would be part of the process. I couldn’t tell you exactly how many people I had the privilege to walk beside through this process within those first 10 years, but I know for certain it is in the thousands. That’s a fair amount of practice and variety of circumstances, which makes it easier for me to recognize unlearning as an essential tool for living and see it as not as scary or bad as it may seem. Fast forward to today and unlearning is still challenging for me at times, even though I’ve come to recognize unlearning as necessary and life giving.

Although unlearning is challenging— refusing to see a need for it or being unwilling to unlearn is far more uncomfortable and definitely less effective. And from what I’ve witnessed, when there is a lesson to be learned in the ways we are living, unlearning will keep asking for our attention— beginning with a whisper and growing louder—we’ll talk more about that later.

The year 2020 made that incredibly clear and Unlearning decided to issue me an invitation (I’ve capitalized the word to animate and bring life to this now trusted friend to show her the respect she has come to deserve)—

“Sit down for a minute, have a cup of tea, OT, (yes, that’s me— Kary the occupational therapist/OT) and consider what unlearning might have to offer in this season of life.”

That particular invitation did feel gentle, and if I’m honest, it was a long overdue conversation. I heard the whispers for sometime but I saw myself as simply too busy to take time for that chat. That is until life offered what felt like a multi-car collision of things making it painfully clear this conversation was no longer willing to wait for me to make time to have it. So I did— and Unlearning and I have talked daily for about 18 months now.

Unlearning, has become a treasured gift, not a painful reminder of mistakes or being imperfect. When trying out the latest way to adapt to living in a global pandemic and various points have been incredibly challenging or feel overwhelming— remembering what Unlearning can do now leads to a pause to ask, “What might need to be unlearned here?” My wish for you is that you recognize Unlearning as your friend, too, if she has not yet reached that point in her relationship with you.

Building Relationship with Unlearning

So how are you doing, dear reader?

Is unlearning a trusted friend, an annoying intruder, a pesky interrupter, a forgotten friend?

No matter where your relationship stands with unlearning, there is room to improve that relationship— embrace unlearning as necessary and a messenger of what is possible.

How do you recognize the call of unlearning? What do the small whispers to consider unlearning feel like to you? What does the need for unlearning at FORTISSIMO (very loud, for those who are less familiar with music) feel like for you as an individual? How do we recognize the whispers to fortissimo calls for unlearning as collective? What are the signs unlearning urgently needs our attention?

Please feel free to share your wisdom in the comments below. You never know when what you have to say may be just what someone else needed to hear.