Unlearning “You’re on Your Own”
Good day, everyone.
How are you all doing? For real— this is not a nicety. You all are on my mind.
Since I can’t read your immediate responses, here is a bit to catch up where we left off.
We are now almost to mid September— to me it feels like when I blinked, the calendar changed 10 days or more. The recalibration stage of September is in full effect in our home. We begin week 2 of homeschooling this week— we had so many incredibly connecting moments last week and a few painful bumps in the road as well. In order to kick off the year most effectively, we decided to give ourselves a couple gifts this year.
Last Year’s Lessons Bloom into This Year’s Gifts
One— now that we have a year of seeing how our children actually learn instead of how we thought they learn we feel much more comfortable having a general idea of what we seek to accomplish and then review where we actually went daily and weekly by following where life takes us. Instead of planning in advance and checking off our to do list like a pass/fail and done/undone list— thank you to fellow OT and friend, Jenica Domanico [1] for recommending said method last year. It only took a year for me to fully apply it but what can I say, now— we have given ourselves of a much more fluid sense of time.
What used to look like a detour, is now recognized as each child’s distinct style. (And let’s be honest— I still forget that at times and try to corral them back to what I think their path should look like)
Two— last year homeschooling was led by me alone (Well, that is what I would have told you at the beginning of the year, more on that in a minute). This year, leading learning will be a shared responsibility with my spouse. We’re still fine tuning how we communicate and hand off, yet simply knowing this is not solely on my shoulders creates more breathing room for me and a more connected and intentional use of time for the whole family.
Last year, at least according to the way we would describe it on paper, I was the lead teacher. By the end of the year— I realized that was more of an on paper only technicality because in reality nature offered so many lessons that I was really following the lead of what nature provides as lessons.
More Evidence of This Being a Group Effort: Water as Teacher
Water, for example, is incredibly skilled and capable of leading lessons on reflections, the impact of environment, what lives around it and because of it, emotions and weather, patience and more— Water’s teaching is so engaging and impactful— much more so than anything I could ever speak alone. This week, a local river and lake were the star teachers as they captured the children’s and my attention alike, in the most captivating of ways.
Nature is an incredible co-facilitator, lead teacher and host. In so many circumstances in life, it can feel like “You’re on your own, (kid)”.
Side note: Is that a movie line or just a really cranky voice of self-talk that sometimes shows up for me sometimes?
Either way, nature and observing all the ways to connect have shown me I am far from on my own— and each of us can substitute our own situations where we think we’re on our own but we really are not. When we zoom out or zoom in, we can enjoy the process of discovering how really not alone we are in finding our way.
Mississippi River Leads Learning (So well that Kary Gillenwaters is only one to look at the camera)
Children Show Me the Way
Not only that— turns out the children naturally seek those opportunities out with more exposure—so they too, often took the lead. And, once we got more into the swing of our new learning process, people around us started to notice what they could offer, particularly as impromptu opportunities.
Family and friends who are intrigued by this new path show up with possibilities, opportunities, and suggestions. We are so grateful for the new routines we are building this year with grandparent chats, visits to see animals, nature camps, and more.
A Note of Gratitude
There are so many thanks to send out this week— for the people, plants, water, and other environments who officially engaged in our learning process. For the students who have completed their OT fieldwork and will forever be Team Solidago, your noticing skills and observation of how the environment influences us and teaches us are a joy to continue to witness. More details can be found in the photo below. Also, you reading this are also among those to whom I am grateful— this week I decided my focus really needed to be on recalibrating our routine and being fully immersed in that. Thanks for your grace and patience that gave space for me to step away for a bit to focus my attention in a way that allows all of this to flow with more ease and connectedness.
Photo Credit: Christy Witkowski
Stillness, clarity and reflection as the winds stilled and the clouds reflect on the lake
Reflections
It has been a week of reflecting— noticing what works and what doesn’t, learning to be okay with not having to have it all figured out ahead of time (even if we do plan, it doesn’t mean that is how it actually turns out), and thinking of all the people who have come before us and the future we hope to create for future generations.
This weekend offered us the opportunity to reflect on lessons learned on the 20th anniversary of 9/11. What have we learned since that time and how might we live now to honor the lives lost and prevent future circumstances where people’s anger and hatred for someone else does not lead to harm to others? Do we remember how connected we felt to each other in that moment and the days that followed? What would it take to look out for one another, with such unwavering commitment again?
There may be times connecting feels like too much to ask or bear. Perhaps we have felt that way more times than we wish in the past year or so. And, if our family’s learning adventures have taught me anything in the past year about what may be an answer to find our way forward collectively— recognizing our connection and appreciating this may very well be a leading ingredient. And sometimes, taking a step back to recalibrate is exactly what is needed to keep coming back to connection.
An Opportunity to Dive Deeper
To learn more about how we might acknowledge our interconnectedness and myth bust “You’re on your own”, check out the chapter, Allegiance to Gratitude, in Robin Wall Kimmer’s [2] book below. Special thanks to the Haudenosaunee for continuing to teach and share The Thanksgiving Address in so many beautiful ways. You give me hope and wonder for what life might be like rooted in this knowing and appreciation of interconnection and interbeing.
[1] Jenica Domanico offers more for moms and families through her business, Mom Plus Me. You can find out more at: https://www.momplusme.com/about
[2] Kimmerer, R.W. ( 2013) Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants. Minneapolis, MN: Milkweed Editions
