New Year’s Resolutions: Meeting Our Needs part II

By Peter Simon

Within the field of occupational therapy, after you graduate from a program, you are required to take a licensing exam that allows you the ability to practice. I knew from the start of graduate school that when I finally did graduate, I needed to take time off in between before I began studying. It was a long and tumultuous three years on top of having to deal with the pandemic. So, I took a week off.

I wanted more than a week off but there was something in my head not allowing me to do that. Other classmates were already studying and forming study groups and I felt a fear of being left behind and being seen as lazy. The following months of studying were a slow whirlwind of emotions, many of which were not so kind due to my inability to find focus and motivation. 

I am someone who often tends to compare where I am at in life with those around me, which social media has not helped. Growing up in the age of social media has only fostered this comparison and pressure for me.

As a society, there seems to be an innate pressure built within us saying that we must be doing something productive at all times, and that to work towards something is to live. But I know that when I do this, I’m not as happy as I am when I take moments to restore.

Our body needs rest, despite what others, society, or ourselves may say. It is important for us to not only ask, WHAT does my body need to restore but also how LONG does my body need to feel restored.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I passed my exam and could now transition to the process of finding a job. I thought this would be a time when my anxiety would finally fall away and I would feel lighter and more rested. But, while I am getting good at asking my body what it needs to restore, I am not so good at listening. I still find myself holding onto that same mindset that only let me take a week off between graduating and studying. There is always more that I should be doing.

It feels impossible to fully immerse myself in restoration for longer than a 15-minute break here and there because it is still difficult to not have my foot on the pedal all the time.

At the same time, I find myself still dealing with mental exhaustion and residual shame about my lack of productivity due to this exhaustion. It makes it difficult to uphold this timeline of when I should be completing these various tasks. 

Being unable to do things that would take five or ten minutes feels embarrassing. I find feelings of guilt and shame beginning to etch their way back into my mind too, finding a home in their previous habitual grooves of my mindset. I can’t seem to be productive or allow myself to take a step back to reset my body.

Why can it be so difficult for us to not think about the things we are not doing when we take those moments for ourselves to rest? Whose timeline am I holding myself up to, anyways?

The path I walk on is my own and people can guide and influence me, but at the end of the day, it is my feet walking the path. But it is so easy to forget that, or even ignore it. Sometimes I can’t help but just wish my timeline was someone else's because from the outside it looks “easier” or like they have gotten it all figured out. And how does rest even begin to fit into a timeline?

I find that when I think about and describe where I am at in my life to myself or close friends and family I can be vulnerable with, it is littered with “shoulds”. I should be applying for jobs, I should have done this, I should be working during the day instead of reading a book, I should have taken my exam earlier. 

The word “should” is pervasive in my day to day. I am trying to stop using it because I believe it’s one of the biggest things getting in the way of my being able to restore. This is because when I am doing something to rest my body, either with friends, a book, meditating, or going for a walk, there is a small voice that tells me all the other things I should be doing if I want to keep moving “forward” in the world.

Rest is productive, so why can it be so difficult to embrace that? Why must we feel we have to cram it in when we may feel we need more time?

We need to allow periods of rest, for however long we need them. It may be difficult and feel impossible, especially if our brains are used to moving at 100 miles an hour and thinking about many different things at once. It is something that will take time, especially influenced by routines, roles, and habits we have.

However, we need to hold within ourselves a continual curiosity. Some key questions that we can keep asking ourselves are, was this a long enough time to restore? Was this what my body needed? Is there anything else I need to restore? By returning to those questions we can honor what our body is telling us, becoming attuned to our needs and easier to rest in the future.

So, how are you feeling right now? What do you need to restore? And for how long?