Unlearning “You Can’t Trust Anyone”
Image description: “ Bridge connecting islands”
Over the last few days, there have been a series of conversations, shows, and movie lines that brought today’s topic into a closer view. The original post for today was much broader, but my favorite way to post is to have a plan yet wait for what feels right that day should a more fitting option appear in the space between.
Today was one of those days and rethinking what can become a life credo for individuals and collectives has resurfaced so many times, I feel inclined to have this pondering time with all of us reading.
A conversation with a veteran about complex PTSD
On Friday, we interviewed a guest for the blog, Jessie Keller, whose interview we will share in September. We were talking about complex PTSD, having had several experiences that could direct someone not to trust people, and what have been helpful ways to connect. One occupation and way identified to connect, which may also be a way of being able to trust again— was through reading. Reading about characters who were loving, kind, warm, and safe. Imagining being the family or loved one of those characters versus one’s own family was something that brought comfort and was an escape. It has me wondering— how does reading help us choose connection and trust when we experience many reasons not to do so?
The other two observations that brought this into even clearer focus came as a result of watching Cobra Kai and Raya and the Last Dragon.
If you’re new to the blog — you may be wondering— where is she going with this? Hang with me— I promise it is all coming together.
Cobra Kai Ponderings
A friend recommended the series Cobra Kai (which can be found on Netflix) earlier this year, noting if you liked the Karate Kid movies, it is a chance to watch all of the main characters back as adults and now with kids. An added bonus is the 80’s music many of us grew up with and loved. So this weekend I enfolded exercise and laundry folding with watching the latest season of Cobra Kai.
Without giving too much away, you begin to learn more about how the latest “villain” character came to make the choices he has made and continues to make. For the first time, viewers can begin to get a clearer picture of how this character’s motto of “Strike first. No mercy”, came into being. And, with this knowing, perhaps viewers experience a possibility of hope or wondering if it it could be possible that this character is not destined to live out that creed the rest of his life. For me, it left me wondering what happens to someone that the weight of living a life from “Strike First. No mercy” feels like a better alternative than mercy and how many lives are impacted from deep mistrust and feeling disconnected. What happens when numerous people live and create from that lens and when have people addressed that living that way really isn’t doing what they thought it would?
Life Lessons from Raya and the Last Dragon
The next movie is what brought this post all together. We had a lot of rain and thunderstorms here in Minnesota this weekend, so it inspired family movie time and seeking recommendations from friends on social media. One of the top recommendations was Raya and the Last Dragon. First, I want to say this movie did not disappoint. My son has already proclaimed it to be in his top 10 favorite movies and was enthralled by the story line. For me, it is a movie I actually look forward to the children watching on repeat.
One of the most moving exchanges of the whole movie for me was as follows:
Raya: The world’s broken. You can’t trust anyone.
Sisu: Maybe it’s broken because you don’t trust anyone. You just have to take the first step.
Let’s sit with that for a moment— try that on for size and see if Raya’s world view sounds familiar. Have you or someone you’ve known felt this way or feel this way? How does it influence our next steps? How do our actions change when we see Raya’s statement as a guiding philosophy vs. Sisu’s vision of the world? What next steps could make trying on Sisu’s version a possibility?
I won’t reveal the rest of the movie and I will say that those two lines are the essence of the story line.
Putting it all together and relearning trust
That exchange, understanding more about how characters evolved in Cobra Kai, and a guest’s experience with reading came together in a way this weekend that has me feeling so grateful for all the storytellers and keepers of stories, writers, actors and actresses, musicians, producers, and more who tell us stories that remind us to slow our roll so to speak. To those who so gracefully and artfully remind us there is much more to what we can see in any moment. Judgment is so easy to forcefully flow and attempt to pave a safe and predictable path; whereas curiosity about our next best steps almost certainly requires meandering, detours, and pivots. And much like road construction— it is essential to have paths that actually work and increase safety going forward.
To those who remind us we know a story, not the story— and reconnect us to what is possible when we stay curious, build opportunities to trust each other again, and keep working at trust until we actual do trust again— thank you.
One of the biggest stepped over questions in the global room seems to be one about trust— do we trust each other? How is so much mistrust working to create the world we wish to live in and create for future generations?
What would it take to trust again? Let’s meet there.
